We'll Fade Out to Whispers
by Fanbutnotsopitchperfect
Summary: If she's the only person that has to live with the ending to her movie, how does she want it to end? Beca/Jesse drabble/oneshot


A/N: so this started as the ending for Let's Finish What We Started but I've moved that in a different direction (I promise I'm still working on that fic. Its just it's football season and I'm a new parent so be patient for me please). Anyway since it won't be the ending to that I've made it a Drabble/stand alone/one shot, whatever you want to call it, I love it but it's not really all that deep or good but I love it so... Anyway Title and inspiration (and I may have stolen a line or two and there's another semi-stolen concept I'll give you a beer for figuring out) come from The Last Days of Summer in San Francisco by Matt Nathanson. Writing keeps me sane sometimes so enjoy this and whatnot. 

His last words to her were, "Life is your own personal movie. The real difference between life and a movie is that no one cares about your life movie but you. You're the only one that has to live with the ending." 

No matter how much she tries she can't shake those last words. No matter how much she tries she can't forget them. And she can't make them stops replaying in her head over and over again. It's been weeks... Really it's been years since she's been able to get him out of her head... But in this case it's been weeks since he said those exact words to her. And they've been following her every second since he said them. 

She tried to leave them on her doorstep where he said them, but they followed her outside. They followed her out friends, they followed her to work. The words kept following her; they kept interrupting the quiet isolated life she's created for herself. She kept telling herself the second those words stopped following her that she would stop following them. But they didn't stop... They didn't go away. Even after she'd packed a bag. Even after all she could see were lines on the Interstate, his last words to her still played in her mind. 

His words followed her twenty eight thousand miles from door to door. Twenty thousand miles from her door to his and his words are still in her brain. And that's the only explanation she has for why she's here right now. 

It's four in the morning and she's wiping her hand sweat against her jeans when the door flings open. Jesse is standing there, his hair matted to his head in one place and sticking up everywhere else. There's a smile that creeps on to her face she can't fight because she's seen him this way too many times before. "Hi," is all she can manage. 

He didn't expect her and she knows that but the way he pushes the door open and lets her in without any questions tells her that even if he didn't expect her at that moment... Maybe, just maybe he's always expecting her to show up. 

His apartment isn't anything to write home about. It's small, the kind of place that serves its purpose as a place to sleep and store stuff. All in all it's not really different from her place; expect she had an actual bedroom. Something his place is lacking as the Murphy bed pulled down from the wall with messy sheet clearly shows. 

"You can have the bed." He mumbles as he rakes his hand through his hair. 

"I was planning on the couch," she pauses and looks around the small room. "Do you even have a couch?" 

"I have a chair." He laughs as he nods in the direction of a beat up thrift store recliner in the corner near the bed. 

"Chair it is." She throws her bag down next to the recliner and hops over the arm rest and into place. She wiggles into place, laughing as she pops the leg rest out, "it's really not as uncomfortable as it looks." 

"Please record that statement so I can play it back for Benji," he comments and crawls back into his bed as they laugh together. But his laughter fades before he's even finished pulling the blankets over himself. "You know you could take the other side of the bed. I won't even complain about how you steal the covers." 

He lets out a small laugh with via statement but she knows better than to laugh about it, so she just stays quiet for a moment before speaking, "we both know what happens if I take the other side of the bed and that's not why I'm here." As soon as she finalizes her words the air between them is met with silence. 

A silence that seems to last forever before he finally rolls to face away from her, "I'm not going to ask why you're here. Not right now and maybe not tomorrow or the next day but I will. At some point I will ask why you're here. I'm just giving you time to figure it out." 

"I don't know..." She pauses because what she's going to say is that she doesn't know why she's here other than his last words won't leave her alone. She wants a better answer, she showed up at his door at four in the morning so he deserves a better answer than that. But that's the only answer she has so she pauses to try and find a better one, except her cuts her off. 

"I'm giving you time to figure it out." He repeats before he turns over to face her. "I've waited this long, what's a little longer." A slight grin appears on his face before he turns back over, "you'll figure it out. You always do." 

His grin tells her he knows she doesn't have a real answer. It's comforting that he still knows her so well. It's also unnerving that he seems to be so sure she'll come to an answer when she just doesn't have one.

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He keeps his word and doesn't ask for any further explanation the next morning. And she grateful for that because she still doesn't have one. What she isn't grateful is his crappy recliner and how badly she hurts after spending the night sleeping in it.

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They spend time with his friends, he shows her the city he's come to love so much and he starts to make her love fall in love with his city as well. But it doesn't happen in spending time with his friends, or in the tours he gives her. Though the passionate way he talks about the landmarks and the history and the culture of the area... The way he talks about those things remind her of the way he used to talk about their future... And even if she didn't have that to draw on, the way he talks about it all could make the devil fall in love with Jesse's city. And it's making her fall in love with him all over again. Even if she never really fell out of love with him to begin with.

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Three weeks go by and she's still there with him. But not really with him. She's still sleeping on his horrible recliner. It's probably not the best thing that her back has adjusted to the crappy sleeping arrangements but it's beneficial that it no longer hurts to walk the stairs up to the roof of his apartment building where she's walking now.

When he hasn't been working, or showing her his city, or introducing her to his friends as his 'old friend,' they've spent their time together up on that rooftop... And in the time that he hasn't been around she's spent every moment of her time on that rooftop looking for an answer to the question he hasn't asked yet. She's spent her moments away from him up here searching while she waits for him. And tonight is just another one of those nights where she's looking out over the city waiting for something or someone to come to her.

"How did I know I'd find you here?" His voice shakes with laughter as she turns her head to see him  
walking towards her with a small cake in hand. "Happy Birthday!" He exclaims as he tries to light the single candle on the cake while walking. "I bet you thought I forgot."

She shakes her head and pats the piece on concrete next to her. It's really all Beca can do because... He didn't forget it's her birthday, she hasn't mentioned it but he didn't forget and she knew he wouldn't because he's Jesse and that's just how he is. And she's just how she is. She never meant to drag him into her damage all those years ago. She was broken for reasons beyond her control and only half asses tries to repair the damage. She never asked him to save her, she didn't want to be saved but he tried. And he never stopped. Even when she stopped trying, even when she put years and distance between them he never gave up on her. Hence the makeshift birthday cake in his hands as he sits down next to her and holds it out.

"You gonna make a wish?"

She doesn't get a chance to answer before they wind blows out her candle. She takes Mother Nature's hint and stays silent, the only noise coming from the breath she blows out.

He meets her sigh with one of his own, "you know why you're here yet? Because if you don't know by now then..."

His words are interrupted by the fireworks they both knew were coming. And by the look on his face he's expecting fireworks of the worst kind between them as soon as they ones they're watching are over. And maybe those will come eventually but right now... Right now she knows what she wants and it isn't fireworks of any kind. For the first time she knows exactly what she wants and...

"Ask me again." She yells over the popping sounds around them. "Ask me again."

"Why are you here?" His words are blunter but face softens as he finishes.

She reaches over and slips her hand into his, it's the first real physical gesture between them in weeks and it's simple. But simple seems right because her answer is simple. "I'm here because I'm the only one that ha to live with how my movie ends."


End file.
